guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
