you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
