It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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