I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
