I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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