I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
