hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
