she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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