my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
vagina is talking i cant
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize