I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
