And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
