In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
