Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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