He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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