we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
