I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
