just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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