There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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