Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
