You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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