I wannas sexs uuuuu
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
