dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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