went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
