I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
