I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
