So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
