I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
