I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
