I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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