You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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