So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
