dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
