I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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