i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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