my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
