Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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