you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
