Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
