yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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