I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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