He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
