pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
