I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
