Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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