He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
