he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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