I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
