Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
