people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
