GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
