The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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