the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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