The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
